


Lungs Filled Up With Sweetness

by zinobeen



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Other members mentioned in narration, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-26
Updated: 2015-06-18
Packaged: 2018-04-01 09:13:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4014103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zinobeen/pseuds/zinobeen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Flowers were always pretty to Kyungsoo. Romantic. Ethereal. Serene. But they didn’t seem like it anymore.</p><p>AU where people throw up flowers when their love isn't reciprocated</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hanahaki byou(花吐き病)
> 
> A disease of the human system that cough up flowers due to severe one-sided love. In order to fully recover the disease, the one’s love must be fulfilled. Another option is to get surgery to have the infection removed but in return, the feelings go away with the petals. 
> 
> harhar first exo fic (def'n credit and inspiration credit at end notes)

It was when Kyungsoo was having vocal training with Baekhyun in one of the small booths when Kyungsoo’s nightmares became a vivid reality. In the middle of sustaining a note, he got into a coughing fit, leaving the song unfinished. Baekhyun stopped the track from playing to soothe Kyungsoo’s back.

“You’re sick?” Baekhyun asked softly as he took a closer look, but Kyungsoo spun his chair and faced away from the older singer to hide himself. He still hadn’t stopped coughing and Baekhyun knew something was wrong when his body wouldn’t stop convulsing. This wasn’t just any type of cold. “Kyungsoo, are yo–”

He had stopped coughing, but what caught both of their gazes were the silky petals sitting on Kyungsoo’s trembling hands. Six white daisy petals, to be exact. They reminded him of Jongin’s tanned skin.

Flowers were always pretty to Kyungsoo.

Romantic. Ethereal. Serene.

But it didn’t seem like it anymore.

 

✽✾✿❁❃❋❀

 

It was the second week of having the disease when Baekhyun decided to beg Kyungsoo to have him tell the managers or to have him get surgery to remove the flower slowly suffocating and killing him from the inside out.

Kyungsoo gripped the white porcelain as the petals uncontrollably fell from his lips. Baekhyun couldn’t do anything but rub circles on his back as they sat in silence with only the sound of violent coughs filling the air. Kyungsoo didn’t expect it to worsen that fast and he had hoped that it would take several more weeks, maybe months, for it to develop into something more serious. This day, the petals started becoming uncountable.

“Junmyeon is starting to get suspicious,” Baekhyun said as he handed a handkerchief Kyungsoo’s way. “You’ve kicked him out of our room to sleep with me. You stopped communicating with more than three words with everyone except for me. And it’s the fifth time you’ve ran off from practice to hide here for this day.”

Kyungsoo straightened up and wiped his mouth with the handkerchief. His eyes were filled with tears from all the throwing up and he’s sure that he looked like one giant mess. “Then go back to practice and leave me alone. Baekhyun, I’ll handle this by myself.”

“Tell me your brilliant plan,” Baekhyun crosses his arms as he stares down at Kyungsoo. “No surgery, right? Do you think you can get Jongin to reciprocate your feelings before that thing kills you?”

“Just...” Kyungsoo pushed past Baekhyun to walk out of the lavatory he ran off to in the middle of practice. “Don’t tell anyone, Baek. Please. This is the last thing I’m going to ask of you.”

“You’re dying, Kyungsoo!” Baekhyun winced as he followed him out.

Before Kyungsoo could even shut Baekhyun up, he saw two pairs of wide eyes waiting behind the door.

Chanyeol gawked at the two of them as Junmyeon knitted his eyebrows together and sent them a bewildered look. Then their gazes went to the floor where a couple of petals made their way outside.

“Explain. Now.” The leader’s voice boomed through the empty corridor and Kyungsoo couldn’t do anything but hide his face in his palms.

 

 

✽✾✿❁❃❋❀

 

 

It was two months before the first petals were coughed out when Kyungsoo told Jongin of his feelings.

Multiple bottles and glasses flourished their dormitory because of Chanyeol’s birthday with every single one of the members wasted, save for Minseok and Kris.

Tao was busy pestering Kris while Yixing and Luhan clung to Minseok like five year olds. Chanyeol and Baekhyun enjoyed their small world in another corner as Jongdae and Junmyeon kept their selves busy as they continuously laughed at the memories they reminisced together. Kyungsoo joined them early in the evening and became a quiet spectator, occasionally making remarks about some of the memories he shared with them. Sehun and Jongin spoke to each other as well on the black couch pushed against the wall of their living room with their conversation drowned out by the other’s loud voices. Sehun laughed at something that Jongin said. For the first time in a long time, Kyungsoo felt the tinge of jealousy hit him. And it hit him hard.

Sehun got too wasted immediately though and Jongin decided that it was his job to put him to bed in the room that he had to himself. He didn’t come out until more than thirty minutes later.

Jongin stumbled out of the room and plopped once again on the black couch. He nursed another bottle of beer in his hand as he mindlessly stared at the empty space in front of him.

Kyungsoo took it as the chance to talk to him tonight since he felt a little bit more brave than usual with alcohol running through his veins. His weight on the couch was enough to get Jongin out of his trance and the dancer smiled as he saw those familiar heart lips grinning back at him.

“Do you remember when we all first moved in together?” Jongin started talking before Kyungsoo could but he didn’t mind at all. “I avoided you like the plague and Junmyeon-hyung had to intervene.”

Kyungsoo snorted as he sunk back to Jongin’s touch around his shoulders. “Jongin, you made sure to keep a ten meter distance between us on our first two weeks together.” The memory was clear to him. The only time Kyungsoo noticed Jongin avoiding him was when Junmyeon decided to lock the three of them in a room to clear everything out. It ended nicely with the two of them hugging, courtesy of Junmyeon, who kept insisting that it was necessary to clear everything out.

“I never thought I’d get close to you. I never thought you’d get the closest to me. You started cooking for me whenever I got home late from training and whenever no one wanted to cook for me. God, I miss your food, hyung. I miss it so much.” By the end of it, Jongin’s voice was so faint like he was too tired. He closed his eyes and he leaned back on the couch with a sigh escaping his lips. “I miss you so much.”

The singer swore that the whole building could hear his heart beat a hundred miles per hour. He tried so hard biting the smile back on his lips but he was already grinning sheepishly.

The night deepened and so did their conversation. By two in the morning, everyone had retired to their respective bedrooms, except for Kris, who was still arguing with a drunk and giggly Tao. When Kris dragged Tao by the collar to put him to bed, Kyungsoo figured that it was about time that the both of them retired to their room too.

Kyungsoo had to support Jongin to his bed. He drank much more than anyone did, causing him to stumble on top of his bed, pulling Kyungsoo along with him.

“Hyung.” He stared at Kyungsoo through a half-lidded gaze. His grip tightened on the collar of Kyungsoo’s shirt and he slowly pulls the older man nearer.

“Jongin,” Kyungsoo hesitated for a moment but when they were only a few inches away from each other, he got the courage to let the words out. “I love you.”

Jongin froze. It took twenty painful seconds for him to the both of them to register what was happening. His hands fell from Kyungsoo’s shirt and he moves his head to the side to avoid the singer’s eyes.

“I’m sorry,” He moved away as if he would contract a disease from being too close to Kyungsoo, whose world was currently shattering into pieces as his throat tightened up and as tears threatened to spill from his eyes. He bit his lips and shook his head slowly. He was hesitant for a moment but he decided to break the silence. “I can’t.”

 

 

Kyungsoo’s feet dragged him to the kitchen the next morning to search for painkillers to get rid of the throbbing pain in his head. He stumbled on the living room several times before finding himself standing in front of the cabinet that contained all their medicine. The room was slightly spinning and it took every ounce of concentration not to give in to gravity and fall to his right. He downed the paracetamol with a glass of water and he was about to trudge back to his room to sleep for the rest of the day when he was met by someone towering over him by several inches.

Taken aback by the sudden sight of Jongin, he took a step back and hit his back on the counter. He looked up to meet those eyes he knew too well and for the first time in forever, he wanted to avoid them.

“Give me a heart attack, why don’t you?” Kyungsoo acted as if he hadn’t embarrassed himself the night before with his confession. He decided about one hour after he drunkenly confessed as he laid down on his bed. _Act as if it never happened. Act as if it was just a drunken confession and that you just felt lonely. Act as if you really don’t love Jongin._ He shrugged and pushed the spare paracetamol in his hand in Jongin’s hands. “Here. You probably need it too. Also, drink lots of water.”

Kyungsoo was about to sidestep Jongin, but the dancer blocked his way with his body.

It was so hard for him to swallow the lump in his throat. He looked up and forced himself to meet Jongin’s gaze. “Do you need something?”

Jongin stared dumbly at him for a long time and it had been an agonizing twenty seconds when he takes the silence as a ‘no’. Before Kyungsoo could get a foot out of the kitchen, Jongin spoke up. “Hyung... Do you remember anything from last night?”

The smile on the Kyungsoo’s face was forced, but he thought it would be enough to convince Jongin that it was genuine. “Not really. Did I do something stupid? My brother told me that I keep sputtering out the most ridiculous things whenever I drink.”

“If I did something... or said something, it was probably the alcohol acting and speaking. Don’t think about it too much.”

Jongin was left in the kitchen by himself, confused and lost.

He was unsure of what answer he wanted to hear, but he knew exactly what he was going to do because of it.

 

 

✽✾✿❁❃❋❀

 

 

Yixing noticed how Baekhyun, Chanyeol, and Junmyeon always asked Kyungsoo if the younger singer was okay. He noticed how the three would automatically flinch when Kyungsoo cleared his throat. He noticed how Junmyeon seemed to care more for Kyungsoo now more than the other members.

He already had the right thought in his mind but what confirmed it was catching Junmyeon taking out a black garbage bag in the middle of the night. Yixing really hoped that when he ripped the plastic apart that he would be embarrassed to see a bunch of garbage from their room spilling out. What poured out of the black item were a bunch of petals, soft and white as they fell soundless on the asphalt floor.

Flowers had never looked so awful to the both of them.

As Junmyeon explained the situation to Yixing on the way back up to their dormitory, the latter let out a downhearted sigh.

“Junmyeon, this is a huge problem.”

“You think I don’t know that? Kyungsoo’s throwing up more and more petals every day. Of course it’s a huge problem.”

“No. It’s not just that,” Yixing shook his head. Junmyeon shot him a quizzical look. “It’s Sehun.”

Before Junmyeon could even ask, they were met by the sight of white daisy petals covering the hardwood flooring. The same soft and silky white petals. They flew everywhere with the breeze from the fan blowing them. Sehun was on the floor, desperately trying to keep the petals from coming out. Jongin knelt beside him, toned and tanned arms wrapped around the jerking body.

Apparently, Sehun raced towards their bathroom when he felt the coughs starting again. He didn’t make it and he began throwing up in the middle of the living room with Jongin rushing to his side. The ruckus woke everyone up from their sleep and they stood staring dumbly at the petals pooling their dormitory floor.

Kyungsoo let out a shaky breath as he stared at the pair on the floor. He lifted his head and saw Yixing and Junmyeon’s eyes boring holes through his head. _Please_ , he mouthed as he shook his head. _Don’t tell anyone._ Which was another way of saying _don't tell Jongin._

 

Sehun managed to get everyone to agree not to bring him to the hospital.

 _It started about two and a half months ago._ One week before Chanyeol’s birthday.

 _But it’s getting better. I used to throw up for one hour straight. Jongin’s making it better._ Jongin.

 _I also don’t know how I’ve managed to survive for more than two months. It’s gradually going away._ Everyone single one of them knew that the only cure was to get his love reciprocated.

_No. I’m not going to get surgery. I’m never going to get surgery. I don’t want to stop loving Jongin._

Sehun was slowly getting better. That only meant Jongin was falling for him.

Kyungsoo was slowly dying.

 

“There are only two options, Kyungsoo. You get surgery or you die.” Junmyeon scratched his head in frustration. “There’s no way out of this.”

Baekhyun bit his lip and sat beside Kyungsoo. “Hyung is right. You already saw what’s happening. Jongin’s already falling for Sehun. I think it would be better if you’d get surgery done...”

“What if I refused?” Kyungsoo spoke up as anger and hurt boiled inside of him. “What if I said that I also don’t want to stop loving Jongin? Why do I have to be the one who gives up?”

The four around him could only give him a look of pity. They understood completely how Kyungsoo didn’t want to forget the feeling of loving someone in particular.

It was because of the late nights with Jongin. It was because Jongin started taking care of him too. It was because of the times they were alone in the training room and the room seemed so wide but they were huddled up in one corner, pressed up against each other as they watched videos from Kyungsoo’s phone. It was because Kyungsoo suddenly felt like it would be okay to feel silly sometimes if it was with Jongin. And that night when they drank, he was so sure that Jongin felt the same way.

“It’s unfair,” Kyungsoo fell back on his bed with the crook of his arm covering his face. “Why does Sehun get to have Jongin? Why? Does he love him more than I do? Why am I the only one who gets hurt in this?”

Yixing sighed and sat on the vacant spot on the other side of Kyungsoo after a minute of silence. “You have to make a decision. Even if you choose to endure the pain and let the petals fill up your lungs, we’re not going to stand around and do nothing.”

“It hurts.” Kyungsoo rolled up on his side as the petals started spilling out of his mouth again. “It... hurts...” He managed to mutter out as the others prepared for the upcoming wave of daisy petals. He wasn’t sure if he was referring to the silky white blossoms flowing from his lips or the fact that he was never going to feel Jongin loving him back.

 

 

✽✾✿❁❃❋❀

 

 

“You think I haven’t noticed?” Jongin broke the silence lingering between him and Kyungsoo.

They hadn’t spoken with each other for the past three weeks, courtesy of Kyungsoo avoiding Jongin every time he felt like he was getting too close.

It made Kyungsoo’s eyebrows shoot up as he froze for a split second. “Notice what?”

“Hyung, tell me what’s wrong.”

“What are you whining about? There’s nothing wrong.”

Obviously, that was a big, fat lie. He woke up this morning lying on a pile of petals he coughed up while he was sleeping. He couldn’t remember a thing, unlike Baekhyun and Junmyeon, who stayed up all night in their room, desperately trying to make Kyungsoo feel better and frantically clean up while the silky pieces of petals scattered around the room. Fatigue was etched on the leader’s face and Baekhyun kept claiming that the reason for his red eyes was because he was up all night. The truth was he couldn’t stop crying when Kyungsoo kept asking to die. He looked miserable, curled up in a fetal position, throwing up petals in between breaths and then sobbing just kill me now. I want to die.

Jongin finally cornered Kyungsoo in what used to be the room they shared together and was now the room where Sehun had crawled into Jongin’s sheets.

“Why are you avoiding me?” He asked sternly. “You’ve been sleeping in Baekhyun’s room for weeks.”

A bitter laugh came out of Kyungsoo’s mouth. “I”m not avoiding you.” Kyungsoo shook his head. “I’m working on a song with Baekhyun. That’s why I’m staying over at his room.”

“You have your lying face on,” Jongin accused.

“How would you even know what my lying face looks like?”

“Because we know each other the best.” Kyungsoo quirked his eyebrows in amusement. “Hyung, I could be blindfolded right now and I’d still know you’re in the same room as me just because of your breathing.”

“You’re being ridiculous,” Kyungsoo shook his head again and turned away from the younger male, hoping that his ‘lying face’ wouldn’t be identified. “I’m not lying.”

They were wrapped once again in silence as Kyungsoo packed the bag he was going to take to training.

“Sehun stopped throwing up yesterday.” Jongin broke the silence. “He coughed up a whole flower.”

It was as if Kyungsoo felt his heart stop beating. _He coughed up a whole flower._ The last flower. Sehun was free from the disease. Jongin loved him back. He realized that as Sehun got better, he got worse.

“Take care of Sehun.” Kyungsoo forced a smile. It hurt to know that he had to let go of Jongin for Sehun to live. It was unfair, really. He decided the night before that there was no point in even trying to fix everything without getting the infection surgically removed. Both Sehun and Kyungsoo loved the dancer so much and since there is no way to actually measure who loves who more, he came with the conclusion that there was no other option but give love up. “I know how much it hurts for him. I know what it feels like to feel suffocated.” He threw the strap of his bag around his shoulder and motioned for the door. He avoided Jongin's gaze. “Are you going to practice?”

“I’ll catch up,” Jongin’s head whipped up and spoke as he watched Kyungsoo make his way out of the room.

Jongin was sure he had cleaned up the last of Sehun’s petals last night, yet there were a few petals trailing on Kyungsoo’s feet.

 

 

✽✾✿❁❃❋❀

 

 

Kyungsoo was alone in the training room when he started throwing up again. He had no more strength to even crawl to the lavatory to hide himself. In a matter of minutes, the training room floor was filled with white silkiness that looked like the first snow in winter.

He realized that Kris, Yixing, and Tao had walked inside the room and were already by his side, distressed by the amount of petals adorning the floor.

“Shit, what is this?!” Kris shouted as he watched Kyungsoo’s tiny body leak daisies. “Did anyone know about this?”

“Junmyeon, Chanyeol, Baekhyun,” Yixing said, patting Kyungsoo’s back to help alleviate the pain. “And now, the two of you.” He glanced at both Kris and Tao.

“What the hell? You never told the managers?!” Kris raised his voice in disbelief. “How long?”

“Three weeks.”

Kyungsoo moved himself to be able to look up at Kris. “K-Kris... Don’t.” He managed to mutter in between coughs. "Don't tell... anyone."

“Jesus, Kyungsoo! If the others promised you that they wouldn’t do anything, I’m not going to stand here and watch you get killed by that thing inside your body,” he yelped as he flipped his phone out and began fumbling with it furiously.

Kyungsoo blacked out soon after that leaving the three to panic. As soon as Junnmyeon and Baekhyun got to the room, they bolted to get the managers as Kris called for an ambulance. Sehun stood by the door in shock with the image of Kyungsoo surrounded by the same innocent-looking petals that tortured him for more than two months. As he was carried away to the hospital with Baekhyun and Junmyeon by his side, the rest of the members were left inside the training room appalled.

When Jongin caught sight of the petals that have snuck their way outside the training room an hour later, he rushed to find the youngest of their group to see if the disease came back. He found the Sehun sitting on the black leather couch on the side of the room and scanned his body with his eyes and analyzed if anything had gone wrong.

“What happened? Did it come back?” Jongin’s hands roamed around Sehun’s body to check if he was okay, but all he noticed that he was that the Sehun was stuck in a trance. "Are you okay?"

He stared blankly at the open space in front of him. “The petals aren’t mine...”

 

✽✾✿❁❃❋❀

 

 

No one ever knew what Kyungsoo’s plan was when he tried convincing everyone that he had the disease under control. Even Baekhyun who tried getting him to say what was on his mind the first day this happened was left in the dark. Truth be told, Kyungsoo never had a plan. He just held on to the hope that maybe Jongin was capable of loving him.

A year ago, he confirmed it with himself that he truly loved the dancer. Kyungsoo spent sleepless nights tossing and turning around his bed, scared and frightened that Jongin did not feel the same way, but days turned to weeks and then into months and the disease never grew in his system. He thought Jongin felt the same way.

He was right. Jongin loved him just as much as he did, being the reason why Kyungsoo never suffered throwing up the petals.

Things took a wrong turn when Sehun finally decided that he loved his best friend as well after thinking about it for several months. Jongin was right beside Sehun when the latter littered the floor of exactly eight petals. He had no intentions of ever telling Jongin that the he caused the petals because Sehun knew. Sehun freaking knew that Jongin and Kyungsoo had feelings for each other by observing the way they looked at each other. Kyungsoo had this tone that was reserved for Jongin and Jongin had this different way of looking at Kyungsoo.

His best friend forced a confession out of him and Jongin felt at sea with the situation since he was sure he didn’t feel that way about Sehun.

Despite being lost, Jongin always made sure that he was beside Sehun in times that the petals hurt Sehun. It only took about one week for Sehun’s body to start giving up on him and he was the last one in the training room with Jongin when he threw up for one hour straight. It stopped abruptly when Jongin connected his lips with the blond, tears streaming out of both of their eyes. Sehun wanted to push him away and he wanted to say _stop. Jongin, stop. You love Kyungsoo._ But as Sehun felt Jongin’s hand snake around his waist, his grip on Jongin’s shirt pulled the older dancer closer, completely throwing the idea of pushing him away outside the window.

Sehun thought the same thing. Maybe Jongin was capable of loving him.

The petals came at a steady pace after that. They didn’t multiply anymore and as the days went by, Sehun seemed to throw up less and less.

The night of Chanyeol’s birthday, Jongin stayed with Sehun until the latter fell asleep. Spending the rest of the night with Kyungsoo made him want to kiss Kyungsoo for the first and last time, knowing he wasn’t going to be able to do it ever again. And then the three words Kyungsoo whispered slapped him back into reality. The next day when Jongin understood that the words Kyungsoo said were insincere because of their encounter while hungover, a small part of his heart broke but he thought that maybe his feelings with Kyungsoo weren’t real and he was supposed to give his undivided attention to Sehun.

He transitioned from loving Kyungsoo because he fell for him to loving Sehun because he had to keep him from death's reach.

Maybe it was because he continuously saw Sehun writhing in pain that he had forced himself to love. His love for his best friend was enough for him to force love when death is waiting. Whatever the reason was, it became enough for Jongin to completely abandon his feelings for Kyungsoo, whose love was left unreciprocated and unrequited.

 

✽✾✿❁❃❋❀

 

 

Kyungsoo woke up hearing the beeping of the machines and feeling entangled in wires going around his body. He was in a hospital robe, out of the black sweatshirt and gray sweatpants that he remembered wearing last.

The petals that rested on the side of his face was a sign that he still hadn’t gone through the operation, but seeing Jongin’s sleeping figure beside the bed and feeling his heart race was a much clearer sign.

Sehun stirred when he heard creaking coming from the bed and his heart dropped when he saw the raven-haired singer awake. He shuffled to the bed and glanced at Jongin’s unmoving body draped on the chair before giving an apologetic look towards Kyungsoo. The singer realized that they were the only ones in the room.

“Hyung, I’m sorry,” Sehun sobbed, his eyes already glassy and his voice shaking.

“He chose you, Sehun,” Kyungsoo mumbled with a hoarse voice and shook his head. He was too tired to move and to speak. “Don’t apologize.”

“But hyung,” Sehun winced. “If I didn’t tell Jongin, he wouldn’t have stopped loving you. He loved you back.”

A bitter laugh escaped Kyungsoo’s lips. “We might never really know. No one knows how this disease really works,” he cleared his throat and flinched at the pain shooting in his body. “Besides, if he didn’t fall for you, you would die. I know you well enough to be sure that you’re never going through surgery.”

He couldn't get mad at Sehun. This wasn't just some cheesy crush that he could get over in a matter of months by finding someone else to get interested in and their lives are both on the line, but he can't get furious even if he wanted to. Sehun imagined Kyungsoo glaring at him like he ran over his dog and screaming that he hated him, but he never did.

Sehun hesitated but asked anyway. “Are you going through with it?”

“I don’t want to,” Kyungsoo admits with a whisper. “But I’m going to have to... for Baekhyun. And the others, I guess.”

The silence that came after that was broken almost immediately with another wave of petals falling. Jongin woke up as nurses barged through the door at Sehun’s press of the buzzer. Baekhyun and Junmyeon watched from the door in silence with a horrified expression on their faces.

 

 

He was scheduled to go under the knife later in the evening because according to one of the doctors, the disease was rapidly progressing and if the infection wasn’t going to be removed soon, the daisies would quickly take over and shut his system down.

Baekhyun sat on the bed, trying his best to get a smile out of Kyungsoo. He would’ve succeeded, but Kyungsoo found it too painful to even laugh and even if he managed to get a chuckle out, petals would follow soon after.

All the members stopped by to give him support and love. Baekhyun and Chanyeol wouldn't stop kissing him on the cheeks when it was their turn to talk to Kyungsoo. Junmyeon kept looking at Kyungsoo like he lost his arm or both of his legs so he got punched by Kyungsoo two times (Junmyeon winced even though the punch was weaker than usual). Luhan kept assuring him he would be okay but couldn't help crying in front of him. Yixing, Minseok, and Jongdae promised that they would take care of the dorm while he was confined and that they would prevent anyone from setting their home on fire. Tao took dozens of selfies with Kyungsoo and Kris had to grab him off of the hospital bed for his turn to talk. Sehun said sorry hundreds of times and Kyungsoo thought he might hate Sehun more for repeatedly apologizing than being the reason for all of this.

Kyungsoo felt like he was drowning in love and affection, but at the same time was dying because of the lack of it. They were all assured that Kyungsoo was going to be ‘normal’ after a week. Amidst all the forced smiles that gave encouragement to Kyungsoo, there was one frown, staring down at the petals scattered on his bed.

“Visiting time is over,” the managers went through the door and motioned for everyone to call it a night. “You can visit again tomorrow.”

Tomorrow. Tomorrow, Kyungsoo would no longer have feelings for Jongin anymore. He’s cried himself to sleep a couple of times, thinking how it would be to have no emotions towards the dancer that he loved too much. Tomorrow, daisies would just be a reminder of the love he once had but was taken away from him.

Jongin, who claimed the seat beside Kyungsoo’s bed, refused to go through the door to go home with the other members. He gave Sehun a small smile and squeezed his hands whispering that he just had to talk to Kyungsoo before anything happened. Sehun understood completely and let him.

“I don’t think you’re an exception to the visiting hours rule,” Kyungsoo said in a hushed tone, almost quiet enough for Jongin not to hear if he wasn’t paying attention closely at him.

“We have ten minutes left, I think. I bribed manager-hyung with food earlier,” Jongin answered. Lie. He begged to have one last time to talk to Kyungsoo while the singer still loved him. “Why... why did you tell me that you didn’t mean those words you said that night?”

“Would it have made a difference?”

“Yes. It would have. I would’ve had to pick if I was going to cure Sehun or if I was going to keep you from having the disease,” Jongin answered.

“You’d rather see Sehun on this bed than see me?”

“I would rather see neither of you on that bed.”

“But you won’t be able to stop one from happening, Jongin.” The dancer aggressively ran his hands through his hair. “I’m just really hoping that neither of you are going to fall out of love one day.”

“What happens if one of us does?” Jongin asked. “What if Sehun falls in love with someone else after a while? What if I loved you again?”

“You’ll throw up Sehun’s petals. Or you’ll throw up mine.”

Jongin sent Kyungsoo a look that the latter couldn’t read. Jongin was feeling a swirl of emotions: anger, helplessness, misery and a tinge of broken heartedness. His hands travelled over the seats and tangled with Kyunsoo’s resting hand.

Kyungsoo felt like he could breathe slightly easier at the touch so he flinched away almost immediately. If Jongin stayed, he thought he wouldn’t push through with the surgery.

“You’ll find another great love another day, Kyungsoo. There are a lot of cases where those who have gone through surgery find love again. Maybe I’m just your first. I’m not your real and last love.”

Kyungsoo smiled weakly at him, tears silently rolling down his cheeks. He’d been keeping them from pouring, but the agony he felt (from both having the disease and knowing that he’ll never have Jongin) was enough to push it over the edge.

“There won’t be another one, Jongin. If it isn’t going to happen with you, it’s not going to happen with anyone.”

Time flew by quickly and it wasn’t long until the doctors and nurses had arrived to take Kyungsoo to the operation room. Jongin was forced out of the room to let Kyungsoo prep and even if Jongin was fighting to plant his foot on the floor.

He tried bearing the image of Kyungsoo looking at him in his head because though he loved Sehun now, he didn’t want to forget. He wanted to remember how Kyungsoo looked at him like he was his whole world.

 

✽✾✿❁❃❋❀

 

Minutes before Kyungsoo was sliced open to get the infection out, he tried bearing every thought he had with Jongin in his mind: all the memories, every thought, everything he’s observed from the dancer, and every conversation, in hopes that after the surgery, he would still love Jongin.

 

❀

 

Sehun fell out of love and so did he.

He never got the image of Kyungsoo looking at him out of his head because the older male never looked at him the same way ever again. Thoughts Kyungsoo tried to retain in his mind were ultimately gone after surgery, his feelings for Jongin gone permanently.

Eight years later, Jongin was splayed on the same hospital bed, this time, blood red petals sitting on his bed. He had no choice because there was absolutely no possibility that this love was ever coming back to him.

The petals reminded him of Kyungsoo’s lips.


	2. alternative ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> because maybe, in another world, flowers didn't have to be so cruel to kyungsoo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n: i’m completely stumped on writing and because someone and someone’s close friend gave me a request, i wrote this as an alternative ending. another fic is in the making, but i haven’t even finished half of it yet because i honestly think i’m hungover with this story too. i honestly dk which one’s a better ending so i’ll just let you guys decide, but this is just a little something for those who wanted a happier ending for kaisoo. the ending that i had planned from the start was the original one though so.... yeah [disappears into darkness]
> 
> ps. if you guys really don't want a happy ending, you have the option to close this tab right now and stick to the original ending! it's all up to yall! don't read the text below if you think an alternative ending is unnecessary.
> 
> pps. thank you to all of those who subscribed, commented, and voted! i really really really like a million times really appreciate it. i didn’t even think that more than twenty people would read this, let alone actually like it. i know i could’ve done a lot more better with the wording, the grammar, and the construction of the ending itself and i’m truly sorry if some of yall weren’t satisfied with the way i ended it or if i didn’t give the au justice at all! o(╥﹏╥)o so so soooorry (pps i actually saw some of you tweeting about the story and omfg i’m so touched by some of the comments) [disappears into darkness again]

 

 

 

✽✾✿❁❃❋❀

 

 

“You think I haven’t noticed?” Jongin broke the silence lingering between him and Kyungsoo.

They hadn’t spoken with each other for the past three weeks, courtesy of Kyungsoo avoiding Jongin every time he felt like he was getting too close.

It made Kyungsoo’s eyebrows shoot up as he froze for a split second. “Noticed what?”

“Tell me what’s wrong.”

“What are you whining about? There’s nothing wrong.”

Obviously, that was a big, fat lie. He woke up this morning lying on a pile of petals he coughed up while he was sleeping. He couldn’t remember a thing, unlike Baekhyun and Junmyeon, who stayed up all night in their room, desperately trying to make Kyungsoo feel better and frantically clean up while the silky pieces of petals scattered around the room. Fatigue was etched on the leader’s face and Baekhyun kept claiming that the reason for his red eyes was because he was up all night. The truth was he couldn’t stop crying when Kyungsoo kept asking to die. He looked miserable, curled up in a fetal position, throwing up petals in between breaths and then sobbing just  _kill me now. I want to die._

Jongin finally cornered Kyungsoo in what used to be the room they shared together and was now the room where Sehun had crawled into Jongin’s sheets.

“Why are you avoiding me?” He asked sternly.

Kyungsoo refused to look at him, laughed bitterly, and shook his head. “I’m not avoiding you.”

“You have your lying face on,” Jongin accused.

“How would you even know what my lying face looks like?”

“Because we know each other the best.” Kyungsoo quirked his eyebrows in amusement. “I could be blindfolded right now and I’d still know you’re in the same room as me just because of your breathing.”

“You’re being ridiculous.” Kyungsoo shook his head again and turned away from the younger male, hoping that his ‘lying face’ wouldn’t be identified. “I’m not lying.”

“Hyung,” Jongin sighed and the desperation in his voice made Kyungsoo freeze on his spot and crane his head to look at Jongin. “I just– I really miss you. A lot.”

Kyungsoo bit his tongue and faced away from Jongin. “You don’t need to miss me. I’m literally almost always in the same room as you.” Kyungsoo was right, but Jongin thought he would appreciate it more if Kyungsoo didn’t always stand four meters away or didn’t reply with only five words or even less. “You’ve just been too busy with Sehun. It’s like he’s the center of your universe right now, Jongin.”

“You know why I’m doing what I’m doing.”

“I know more than what you think. And that’s why I’m giving you space.” Kyungsoo zipped his bag shut and twisted himself one last time to glance at Jongin. “Hey… Can I ask you something? Hypothetically.”

Jongin raised his eyebrows and took a step forward.

“If I coughed up petals because of you, would you actually try and love me too? Hypothetically, okay?”

“Hypothetically…” Jongin trailed off, thinking of the right words to say. He stared right at Kyungsoo as if he could burn him with his stare. “I don’t think I would even have to try hard. I don’t even think you’d throw up at all. But if you did, I would do  _everything_  I can to make it stop.”

Kyungsoo felt his throat dry up and his heart beat more than a hundred miles per hour. He wanted to scream  _then please love me now. I need you,_ but he settled for a nod and walked out of the room without another word.

Jongin watched him as he walked out; as he saw petals trailing behind the singer.

He was sure he tidied up the room and got rid of every petal Sehun threw up.

 

 

✽✾✿❁❃❋❀

 

There were plenty of times when Kyungsoo wanted to give up and stop holding the petals in whenever he was in front of the other members. On many occasions, he wanted to not run away when he could feel the disease going up his throat, threatening to surge all over the floor of their training rooms because he was tired. He was jaded of having to sprint as fast as he can to get to the lavatory where he could throw up in peace with Baekhyun giving him moral support behind him.

Whenever Sehun threw up, everyone would come to his aid, especially Jongin, who was always on red alert beside him. Sehun had everyone crowding inside his hotel room at three in the morning just right after they had landed in Hong Kong and as Jongin cradled his frail and weak body, everyone cleaned up after the mess and fanned a convulsing Sehun, who threw up continuously.

Kyungsoo was infinitely thankful for Baekhyun. He was grateful that he had him by his side and he always had Junmyeon and Baekhyun taking care of him. But he wanted it to be Jongin’s hands making circles on his back to comfort him or Jongin’s voice whispering and assuring him that he’s okay and he’s going to be okay, but after the first time he threw up, nothing really ever went the way he wanted it to go. It wasn’t like Jongin could be cut in half and Kyungsoo thought there was just no way that Jongin was going to pick him.

It had to be in front of thousands of fans and in the middle of their concert when Kyungsoo felt lightheaded and started seeing double. The lights swirled around in his vision and he couldn’t help but fall to his right on stage just as one of their songs ended and the lights dimmed. It was time for their costume change, but instead of heading straight into the dressing rooms, he headed straight of the lavatory located farthest from the stage to make sure that he was alone. He stumbled through the doors and threw his wireless microphone aside to kneel in front of the white porcelain.

About fifteen minutes of heaving a bunch of daisies, Kyungsoo felt his heart stop in his chest when he heard the doors open and close briefly, and the door of a cubicle close with a bang, followed by furious hacking and retching on the other side.

There was a sobbing sound and Kyungsoo couldn’t help but cry himself.

 

❀

 

There was a small pool of daisy petals on one part of the stage and Jongin only noticed this when they came out after changing into different outfits. He raced from the stage to backstage and began searching every room he passed by to look for his best friend.

What surprised him was when he turned on to one of the corridors, he found Junmyeon breathless and looking shaken and worried as well.

Junmyeon jogged towards where Jongin was and panted for running non-stop. “Where’s Kyungsoo?”

“Where’s Sehun?” Jongin asked at the same time, and it left him at a confused state to why Junmyeon was looking for the other singer. “What do you mean, ‘where’s Kyungsoo’? He’s on stage,” He furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head. “Sehun’s gone. And I saw petals on the floor.”

Junmyeon wanted to grab Jongin’s collar and scream  _Kyungsoo’s fucking dying too,_ but instead, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath before pulling on the dancer’s sleeve and searching each door they passed by. They had both ran out of breath by the time they had reached the comfort room in the basement just to be met by a flood of daisy petals flying outside of the door. Jongin dropped to the floor to see if the stalls were occupied.

“Sehun. Thank God.” Jongin sighed in relief when he saw someone sitting on the tiled floor, but his heart leapt outside of his chest when he saw that those shoes didn’t belong to the tall and lanky dancer. He pulled the door open and revealed red doe eyes, raw lips, and a fragile, exhausted body surrounded by flowers.  _“Kyungsoo?”_

“Jongin,” Kyungsoo huffed out weakly and huskily with his hand travelling to his throat and gripping it in pain. “Sehun... Sehun’s...” He gasped and pointed at the cubicle on the other side, before lurching towards the bowl again for another round of petals. Jongin watched with a terrified look on his face as Kyungsoo threw up the same daisies that Sehun did.

The youngest member was seen sitting on top of the cover of the toilet with his head in between his legs when Junmyeon rushed over to him. He looked up at the leader with tears rolling down non-stop on his face, eyeliner smudging everywhere, and petals sticking everywhere on him.

“I–I d-didn’t know,” Sehun cried as he held his mouth with his palm to stop the sobbing and the flowers from pouring out. “Oh, god. I’m s-sorry, I didn’t know.” He was engulfed in Junmyeon’s arms as the leader took his phone, which he grabbed before running around to find the members, out and pressed it to his ear.

“Hyung, hello? Please call an ambulance. We have an emergency.”

 

✽✾✿❁❃❋❀

 

There were two ambulances, two stretchers, two pairs of medics, who were tending to both Sehun and Kyungsoo, but there was only one cure they both wanted. And there was no way that no one was going out of that hospital without getting surgery and having their feelings for the dancer permanently removed.

While the doctors were trying to reverse some of the damage to their systems, Junmyeon and Jongin, with their managers using force, both went back to the stage and performed as if they didn’t just see two of their members dying inside one of the comfort rooms in the stadium. Jongin forgot his lines again and again and again because there was only one thing that kept replaying in his mind: snow white daisies falling from plump and rosy-colored lips. And he couldn’t bring himself to believe that it had been happening for weeks already without him knowing.

All while he was snuggling and taking care of Sehun to prevent the disease from worsening, he was slowly killing Kyungsoo, whom he had less and less affection for each time he kissed his best friend. And it was unfair; unjust that someone had to have his love unrequited and suffer pain because of it.

Sehun fluttered his eyes open and he felt the weight on his body lighten up when he saw Jongin’s silhouette standing in front of the window with his gaze skimming the skyline. It already had been six hours since Sehun passed out and he was scared for a split second that they already performed surgery on him, but he could still feel his heart race to the sight of Jongin, reassuring him that he was still in love.

“You’re up.” Jongin turned around with the corner of his eyes crinkling as he smiled at the sight of Sehun waking up. “How are you feeling?”

“Like too much love is gonna kill me.” Sehun grinned weakly and meant for it as a joke, but Jongin was filled with guilt and he couldn’t help but frown apologetically down at Sehun. “How is hyung?”

“Don’t worry about him,” Jongin shook his head and sat on the space open on the bed.

“You’re right,” Sehun chuckled and smiled to himself. “It’s me who’s gonna die later anyway.”

“No. You’re not going to die because you’re going to have surg–”

“You can’t force me into doing that, Jongin.” Sehun cut him off before the brunet could even finish talking. “I’m not going to let them take love away from me.”

Jongin could pass off as mad, but if anything, he was just hurt. “You’re being selfish. Don’t do this.”

“This is my own decision to make. I’m not going to have surgery.”

Jongin stood up from the bed and ran his hands through his hair in frustration. “You’re only thinking about yourself!”

The rise of Jongin’s voice surprised the younger man for a moment and he held his breath as he held in the tears.

“Death doesn’t happen to you, Sehun. It happens to everyone around you,” he growled. "It happens to me, to Luhan, to Tao, all of the members, your friends, and your family. It happens to everyone else  _but_  you. It’s going to drive everyone fucking crazy because they have to wake up every day and try to figure out how to live when you’re fucking dead.”

Jongin could hear his own heart beat pounding like the whole hospital building could hear it because he felt mad. He felt enraged because he didn’t want to  _lose_ Sehun. His voice jumped an octave higher and it cracked as he felt his eyes become glassy. “You think I wouldn’t care? You think that I’m going to easily move on if you let that disease kill you? I would go out of my fucking mind because, Jesus, Sehun. It hurts me that I can’t give you the love that you wanted. Because I want to. I want to give it to you, but I can’t. And you know why. You know why it’s never going to be enough.”

Sehun took a sharp breath and gulped it down. “I’ve made my decision.”

“I’m not going to stand here and watch you die. I love you, Sehun. But I’m not going to do this,” Jongin shook his head and took one last, long, pleading look at Sehun before turning on his heels and storming out of the room.

✿

The doctors came in that night and asked for the finalization of Sehun’s treatments. It was already on the tip of his tongue, the words  _I’m going to skip the operation,_ but the members in front of him, who were playing and horsing around made him eat his words.

The day after, he couldn’t feel the heaviness weighing on his body anymore and he woke up feeling good as new, like how he was several months back.

He found himself not caring anymore if it was or was not Jongin sitting on the edge of his bed and he smiled when he sees the blond Chinese member instead of the dancer he used to always crave for.

“Hi, Sehun. Are you okay?” Luhan smiled cheekily as he scooted over closer to the younger male.

Sehun sighed and took a good look at everyone who crowded and gathered around him as they waited for him to wake up. He understood Jongin. He felt loved now more than ever. “I’m good.”

 

✽✾✿❁❃❋❀

 

 

It had been so close. Just a little bit more and Kyungsoo would have had slipped away from Jongin’s grip. Kyungsoo could have easily passed as dead as he laid unmoving on the cot of an emergency room with only the heart monitor telling everyone that he still had a little life in him. He was close to heaven’s reach, but the only thing that stopped him from going was Jongin desperately crying outside of his room and sobbing that he loved him. He loved him more than anyone. As Kyungsoo fell into a deep sleep, the doctors tried to calm Jongin down (one of the nurses even gave him a sedative) and assured him that Kyungsoo was fine.

Waking up to Baekhyun’s voice in the morning normally irritated the living hell out of Kyungsoo, but today was different. He was happy to hear it because it drowned out the strange beeping and buzzing noise coming from the machine, which was probably trying to keep him alive, beside him. He lifted the oxygen mask off of his face and tried sitting up carefully. He ultimately gave up though, when he realized that the pain in his body was too much too handle.

“Let’s not hurt ourselves, shall we?” Baekhyun hurried to Kyungsoo’s side and held his shoulders down gently.

“Where’s Sehun?” He mouthed as his eyes darted around the room only to find it save for Jongin drowsing on the couch across the room.

“Oh, Kyungsoo,” Baekhyun laughed. “Several minutes from dying a few days ago and you’re still putting others on top of your priority list.”

“ _Where’s Sehun_?” He repeated in a more stable but still weak voice.

Baekhyun sighed and pressed a hand on the younger singer to make him relax. “He’s in another room. Fresh from surgery, actually. You’ve been knocked out for two days.”

 _Fresh from surgery, actually_. The words rang continuously through Kyungsoo’s brain

“That means–” before Kyungsoo could form a coherent sentence, he turned away from Baekhyun and shielded his mouth with his hands to keep the petals from coming out.

The hacking woke Jongin up in an instant and he was immediately by Kyungsoo’s side, rubbing his back and holding him close as Baekhyun ran out and called for the nurses.

“Don’t worry,” Jongin soothed, and Kyungsoo wanted to bawl his eyes out because Jongin’s touch felt good despite the cascading petals from his lips. “The doctors said you’re way better now than last night. There are fewer petals now. It’s– uh... A sign.”

“A s-sign?” Kyungsoo said in between coughs.

“That you’re getting better,” Jongin nodded as he leaned and caught Kyungsoo’s lips with his, stopping the flow of the silkiness from his mouth. “I told you I would do everything. I love you. I have always loved you.”

As much as Jongin wanted to save the both of them, he knew he couldn’t and his feelings for Kyungsoo outweighed his feelings for Sehun. He loved Kyungsoo from the start. It had always been him.

Finally. Finally, it was Jongin and not anyone else. It was Jongin beside Kyungsoo, comforting him and taking care of him. It was Jongin’s arms around him and holding him for dear life and it’s his voice purring assurances that he was going to be okay and whispering  _‘I love you’s and ‘I’m yours forever’_ into Kyungsoo’s ear.  And it was Jongin, returning the love Kyungsoo also gave him. It’s Jongin himself that stopped the disease from blooming ever again.

By the end of the week, Kyungsoo was approved to be discharged from the hospital to have his flight back to Korea. He had to remain in one of the hospitals in Seoul for one week more, but it was just for tests and to make sure that the disease was going to be contained. It was fine with Kyungsoo, especially because Jongin refused to leave his side.

“You’re never going to see daisies again,” Jongin mumbled as he tangled his fingers with Kyungsoo’s.

Kyungsoo pouted and tightened his hold. “I like daisies. They’re pretty and romantic. They make me feel at peace.”

Jongin scoffed in disbelief. “The only times you’re ever going to see daisies again are when we’re going to a date, when they are arranged by a florist and given by me, and when we’re standing in front of each other and saying our vows to each other.”

“I would like that,” Kyungsoo beamed, still slightly weak, but slowly getting better and reached up to press his lips on Jongin’s cheek.

Flowers once made Kyungsoo think that they were horrible. Heartbreaking. Dreadful. Terrible.

But never again did they seem like that anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> Definition from http://jinggie.tumblr.com/post/95959951370/hanahaki-byou-a-disease-of-the-human-system and inspired from resonae’s Unrequited (http://archiveofourown.org/works/2405873).
> 
> i was too lazy to proofread too :----( so sorry for that  
> i don't own the idea and most definitely do not own the characters c:


End file.
